Woke at 6.30, jumped out of bed, put on some warm clothes and made my way to the study. I lit a candle and some incense, wrapped myself up in a blanket and settled down on my meditation cushion.
I went through lesson two of the workbook and then spent ten minutes meditating on my intention that today would be one of peace, gratitude and patience.
I felt calm and at ease as I rushed around getting breakfast for my son, tea for my wife and my work bag ready.
The only ‘blip’ came as I was about to leave the house and my wife came to me insisting I wear a reflective jacket for added protection as I cycled to the train station.
I didn’t want this, I wanted to leave the house right then. I felt anger rising, followed by a sharp pang of disappointment as I witnessed my peaceful state dissipate. But thankfully I was able to pull it around, I joked that my wife had been sent by the devil to test me, we both laughed, it was okay, peace regained.
On the platform I waited for the training. I had considered taking the Course book with me on the train but it is so large and my work bag is already busting at the seams. So in it’s place I took ‘A Gift of Healing’, a collection of quotes from the Course book.
I picked a page at random and came up with this:
“Do you not see that all your misery comes from the strange belief that you are powerless?”
I considered that. Yes, how true, how very true. All my misery and suffering, the ‘poor me’, a victim of named and unnamed forces, internal and external.
And it is a strange belief and its reversal implies a salvation, a healing.
So today I have the power to bring about a day of peace, gratitude and patience. And I won’t beat myself up when I forget this, I won’t throw my hands up in the air and give up all effort.
No, I will recognise my error and attempt to correct it. And if I feel correction is too much to ask for at this stage…well recognition of error will be sufficient, just as long as the recognition does not bring blame and judgement in its wake.
I came across a quote from an interview with Marianne Williamson. I’m hoping it will motivate me to keep with the Course. The interviewer had asked Marianne how she thinks her life might have gone without the course. She replies:
“I ask myself that question regularly, and always with a laugh and shudder. Let’s put it this way: before the course, I was not on the road to peace and happiness“
Can I have that? Can I be on the road to peace and happiness? Yes, I can. Why not? It is a choice, I can choose, I am not powerless.
At work
So how did it go? Well, I was impatient, I did complain, I did gossip about others…but nowhere near as much as I would do usually. Phew. So, all in all I feel good about today, I did a good job.
Here’s an example of loosing my patience:
9.40am –SB’s mobile goes off, he’s not around to pick it up. I can feel myself becoming angry and indignant, finally I get up and switch the call to silent mode (not a particularly help act).
Five minutes later the mobile goes off again. Again I am angry and indignant. This time I answer the call and am not particularly friendly to the man on the other end. I then spot SB across the office in a meeting room with two other people.
I march over to him and hand the phone over, “It’s for you” I say in an exasperated manner. Everyone looks at me, I walk away knowing I had dealt with the whole thing badly.
Okay, so ideally when the mobile rang for the first time I could have answered it in a friendly manner, taken a message and left SB a note. Then I could have turned the mobile off.
What has this got to do with ACIM? I guess, the change in perception starts at my initial reaction to the mobile ringing. I saw it as an intrusion. Hell, not just any intrusion but an outrageous attack on ‘me!’ A foul, evil attack by a) SB who was not around to take the call and b) the caller who was obviously stupid, idiotic and thoughtless.
Ok, so that is a (slight) exaggeration but it’s more or less what went on in my mind, so quickly as to make it hard to track, which just shows how deeply this kind of reaction is ingrained in my mind…and the immensity of the work ahead…sigh.
The fact is that SB is a nice enough guy and the caller was merely doing his job. The issue is solely with my perception and the reaction that resulted from that perception.
Still. Overall, despite the mobile incident, I did well today, I didn’t even swear once, wow!
